You want a rewarding and fulfilling marriage? You can have one, but you need a dose of reality first. Here are things you need to say “I do” to before walking down the aisle…
Do you have a sense of humour?
A sense of humour is vital, and the first person you have to laugh at is yourself. Consider this- men and women have to hook up on some level to propagate the species, proving God has a sense of humour. He obviously assumed
we would too.
Do you know you’ll have to work? Hard?
I asked the opinion of dozens of women for this topic, and the feedback was unanimous. You have to be willing to work. Some women think if you’re a perfect match, your marriage shouldn’t be work. Those people are called divorcees. It’s true your marriage shouldn’t be work every hour of every day, but there will be days when your marriage will require extra energy (a term I prefer over “work”). Like Grandpa used to say, anything worth having is worth working for. Welcome to Marriage
Do you realize marriage is not 50/50?Gotcha! You figure you’ll give half, he’ll give half and you’ll meet somewhere in the middle. You poor, poor dear. The reality is, there will be some days you’ll give 90% and you may or may not get 10% back. There may be weeks or months that pass with the scales out of whack. Remember- you committed your whole life to him, and in your lifetime the scales will shift back in your favour. Interestingly, the scales will align faster if you abandon the scorecard and self-pity.
Do you have a general acceptance of your significant other’s shortcomings?Does he leave the toilet seat up? Get over it. Are his table manners a fright? Look the other way. Is he a tight-wad? You better be at one with strict budgets. Try seeing your new hubby’s annoying habits as endearing. In addition to his positive traits, his quirks make him who he is. Figure out a way to truly accept the whole package- the good, the bad and the ugly.
Do you have expectations of your marriage or soon-to-be-spouse?If you said “I do” to this one, start goggling divorce attorneys now.
Fundamental expectations like being treated well, being faithful, or being honest are covered by your wedding vows. If you want a long lasting marriage, let go of any romance novel or Lifetime movie expectations you have. The men in Hollywood are actors. Real men, generally speaking, are not geared for romance and eloquent, loving speeches. With this attitude, you’ll better enjoy the thoughtful little things your new husband does. Lowered expectations and happily ever after go hand in hand.
Do you know comparisons are a death sentence for marriages?Like fingerprints, marriages are unique and specific to the two individuals involved and the one-of-a-kind bond they create. Instead of scowling at your husband when your friend brags about the romantic vacation her husband took her on, just smile. Maybe your friend left out how her husband ogled other women on the beach or said something at dinner that made her cry. You never know what goes on behind closed doors- be secure in what you and your husband share and the knowledge that it works for you.
Do you know your fiancé is bilingual?Read a couple books about how men communicate or have a sit-down with your aunts and grandma. We think we grasp the Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus concept, but we don’t. He may not say “I love you” 14 times a day, but he might fill your car when it’s out of gas, maybe he’ll cover you with a blanket when you’re cold, he may bring you a glass of wine when you’re in the tub, or he might listen to stories about the kids when he just wants to crawl in a hole and go to sleep. You have to learn to read, understand and appreciate man-speak.
In order for a marriage to be successful, reality can’t be sugar-coated. Long term commitments are not for the faint of heart. A lasting union takes a great deal of love, patience, true grit and guts. The benefits are countless. I’ll leave you to discover those on your own.
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Your ideas, your visions, bring your dreams to life.
A rapidly growing number of women are marrying later in life.
From the dress, etiquette, beauty tips, lifestyle changes, your careers, homes, blending families, prenuptial agreements as well as other hot topics, perhaps these answers to your questions may help making it easier to navigate the challenges of Marrying Later in Life. Blending families, homes, finances, careers and building healthy lifestyles are just a few of the decisions a bride must address with her groom. Among some of the major decisions you will be facing, there are three top ones to keep in the fore front of all your discussions
First of all keep your communication open and alive, for this will set the tone of your future relationship.
Finances are another area to keep in mind. Create an open conversation with your concerns, as you will probably have accumulated financial resources, properties, homes, as well as children before meeting. You have each built a life for yourself before meeting, embrace that life.
Establish mutual goals based on each of your core values as individuals and as a couple. You are moving ahead with a new life to share. With these three decisions in place you will be able to weather any storm!
Combining families in a later in life marriage is always a challenge whether they are young or old. Each age has different issues to adjust to, whether the previous marriages ended in divorce or the death of a spouse.
For more information, visit www.ceremonieswithstyle.com.au
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As you are in the second phase of life, you never thought you would
fall in love. But, as life brings sweet surprises you have finally found Mr. Wonderful. Because of career choices and other priorities and circumstances, you are getting married now, later in life.
To the bride and groom, marriage is a loving contract between two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together, but in the eyes of the law, marriage is a contract between two people which is not about love but about a variety of financial rights and obligations. You should not look at a prenuptial agreement as a lack of faith in the relationship but as protection against unforeseen circumstances.
Think of it as an “insurance policy” covering the legal issues of your marriage contract that you get to write yourself. If it is difficult to talk about your loving, committed relationship as if it were a business arrangement, consulting with a legal, professional advisor will make it easier.
For more information, visit: www.ceremonieswithstyle.com.au
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TIPS FOR MAKING YOUR HEN’S NIGHT A NIGHT TO REMEMBERYour Hen’s Night is a chance to let your hair down amidst the pressure of your wedding preparations, and to celebrate your last days of being single.
There are a number of different ways you can celebrate your Hens night, and as it is traditionally the Matron of Honour (or Chief Bridesmaid) who helps with all the preparations, you will need to work closely together so she knows that type of Hen’s celebration you would like.
Whatever you decide to do, it’s a good idea to have your Hen’s party at least a week before the wedding. You want to look and feel your very best on your wedding day and a late night of partying and recovering from a hangover definitely won’t help.
In addition to all that, your wedding day is a very tiring affair – you are on your feet for long periods of time and are always the centre of attention. You don’t want your “happy snaps” featuring you yawning all day.
SAFETY FIRST
If going out for your hen’s night celebrate, remember safety in numbers
Ensure you have a way to get home and if you are traveling by taxi, have a friend ride with you or stay in contact via a mobile phone
If you have male entertainment at a private party, ensure someone remains sober to greet them & take care of the financial arrangements
Hen’s Party IdeasA cocktail party. Get each guest to bring a different bottle
A weekend away with your best girlfriends
Hire a bus/limousine to take you and your friend to various clubs & hot spots
A karaoke night, at a karaoke bar or a friend’ home
Hire a male entertainer and/or g-string waiters and party at home or a friends
Have a lingerie, giftware or adult
novelty party
Spend a day indulging in some serious
relaxation therapy at a day spa with friends
Go to a
male revue
A wine tour through the wine region by horse and carriage
Get dressed in your best frock and
spend a day at the racesSpend the day
doing your favourite hobby and share your passion with your friends
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What does Bridal mean?
The brew the bride and groom would drink was referred to as "bryd ealu" or "bride's ale," which became "bridal". An old meaning of ale was feast or celebration but this evolved into bridal somewhere in the 14th century, when it was used to mean the totality of the wedding, not just the feasting afterwards.
Bride: One theory: the word bride derives from mediaeval Latin and old French which means only one thing - a daughter-in-law.
Bridegroom: Language experts suggest that before 1066 that the word was bryd-guma, bryd meaning bride, and guma, a variant of the Latin word homo, meaning man.Within 2 centuries guma had disappeared as a stand-alone word and bryd-guma had evolved as bryd-gome (gome being an old English word for man, as in Gawain and the Grene Gome).The word groom only became associated with horses much later (the 17th century).
What does Wedding mean?
“Wedding” literally meant the purchase of a bride for breeding purposes.
The word wedding comes from the root meaning to gamble or wager. The Anglo-Saxon word "wedd" meant that the groom would vow to marry the woman, but it also meant the money or barter that the groom paid the bride's father. This is believed why it is still customary for the father-of-the-bride to “give away” his daughter.
“Tie the Knot"
To “Tie the Knot”, came from the Roman times when the bride wore a girdle that was tied into knots which the groom had the fun of untying.
You may Kiss the Bride…
The kiss that seals the wedding has long been a token of bonding and the exchange of spirits as each partner sends a part of their self into the new spouse's soul, there to abide ever after.
Bride's side/Groom's side
In ancient days, fathers would offer daughters as peace offerings to warring tribes. Because of the hostility, the families were placed on opposite sides of the church so the ceremony could go on without bloodshed. The ceremony united the two warring factions into one family, and danger of war was resolved.
Bride on the Left…
One thought on the origin of the bride standing on the left goes back to the days when the groom would capture his bride by kidnapping her. If the groom had to fight off other suitors, the groom would hold his bride-to-be with his left hand allowing his right hand to be free to use his sword.
The Attendants…
The tradition of bridesmaids evolved from the custom of surrounding the Bride with other richly dressed women, in order to confuse the evil spirits.
The first marriages were by capture. The best man would help the groom fight off other men who wanted the chosen woman, and prevent her family from finding them. The “best warrior” would stand for the groom, thus the “best man”.
Confetti or Rice throwing
Showering couples was a tradition thought to have originated in order to keep evil spirits away from the newly married couple. In some cultures the bride and groom were showered with sweets and flour, small fruits and nuts. Rice, grain and corn have always been symbols of fertility. Confetti was thought to be an evolution of these although these days rose petals are more environmentally friendly.
Something old something new, something borrowed, something blue (and occasionally "and a sixpence in the shoe)...
The "old" needs to be something which has belonged to a happily married woman. The wearing of such an item insures a lucky transfer of happiness to the new bride. The "new" is the wedding gown, the shoes, or other bridal attire. The "borrowed" must be some object of gold to guarantee wealth and fortune in the future. The "blue" is symbolic of the heavens and also of true love. The "sixpence" must be worn in the heel of the left shoe to insure wealth and prosperity.
Groom's flower
Traditionally, the Groom's buttonhole was adorned with a single flower plucked from the Bride's bouquet. This came from the medieval days when a Knight wore his the colours of his lady to show his love.
Honeymoon
The word honey is from "meala" in Irish. The word for honeymoon is "mi na meala", the “month of honey” and refers to how the bride and groom would spend that period of time. In Bulgaria, couples were locked away together for a week!
Irish monks first produced the fermented honey brew called mead for medicinal purposes; then found it could make well people feel even better. Following the wedding a sufficient amount of mead was given to the bride and groom, along with special goblets, so they could share the unique brew for one full moon after the wedding--and thus the term honeymoon was coined. It was believed that this delicate yet potent drink was the best way to ensure a good beginning for a new marriage and it was also believed to endow powers of virility and fertility.
It is also lucky that if on the journey to the church the bride to sees a policeman, clergyman, doctor or a blind man on the way to the wedding.
Wedding Traditions From Different CulturesAfrican American: Jumping the broom. Slaves were not permitted to marry in America. They would have a public declaration of love and commitment by jumping over a broom to the beat of drums.
Cuban: Cuban wedding receptions are famous for their festivities. There is almost always lively music and dancing at a Cuban marriage celebration. Wedding Guests partake in the traditional money dance, where each man who dances with the new bride must pin money to her dress, to help the newlyweds with their honeymoon expenses.
England: (FLOWER GIRL) The children act more as "pages" mainly to hold the train.......actually this was done by a young boy.
India: To ward off evil, the groom’s mother would sprinkle flower petals over the couple at the end of the ceremony.
Irish Tradition: (For Good Luck)
Sun shining on the bride.To hear a cuckoo on the wedding morning To see three magpies.After the wedding ceremony, it was important that a man and not a woman be the first to wish joy to the new bride
Italian traditions: To ward off evil eye, the groom would carry a piece of iron in his pocket on his wedding day, since his happy situation might provoke envy, and invite supernatural danger. (As well the bride wore a veil to ward of evil) Tearing the veil was considered good luck.
At the end of the wedding day, the couple shattered a vase or glass into many pieces. The number of pieces represented the expected number of years they'll be happily married to one another.
Common theme, past and present, emphasizes food. A strong link with family life, food is the focal point of festivities. The sheer volume of food reflects how highly anticipated and festive a typical Italian wedding is. The elaborate wedding of the couple brings together the friends and relatives of both families in a celebration of their new relationship.
Japan: To become husband and wife, the couple takes sips of sake, becoming husband and wife after the first sip.
Jewish Tradition: The Jewish Chuppa canopy offered a sanctuary from evil spirits.
Mexican: For fun & entertainment, a traditional piñata. And guests would form a heart--shaped ring around the couple before the first newlywed dance.
Scottish Beliefs: For good fortune, a bride should be met at the door after the wedding ceremony by her mother, who must then break a currant bun over her daughter's head.
Sweden: Swedish wives wear three wedding rings: for betrothal, for marriage, and for motherhood.Wales: Spooning: coined by lovesick men of Wales. A suitor carved a spoon of wood and presented it to his beloved. If she wore it around her neck on a ribbon, she returned his love and they were engaged.
Jan Littlejohn
Ceremonies with Style
www.ceremonieswithstyle.com.au
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