My Destiny 2012-05-20

Once again, sharing an iTunes account with my (almost) 18 year old came in handy. Read how, in my remarks to Jeri and David, and their guests:


Jeri and David share a unique love story. It is a story that began years ago. It is a story that involved twists and turns. It is a story that involved an epic journey to where they are today. It is a story of Jeri and David's destiny to be together, as one.


Thinking about Jeri and David reminded me of a song by one of my daughter's favorite singers, a Swedish artist who goes by the moniker, Velvet. The name of the song is "My Destiny", and it could have been written about Jeri and David. Here are a few lines:


Sorrow in my face
Then you would embrace me
There were times I chased every dream
I've been running far to see
My destiny
Has been touched by your heart
My destiny
Never tear us apart
Love is a mirror that shines through your eyes
I've finally realized
How I trust in you
Like you trust in me
I know that we're meant to be


This reminded me of a fascinating Talmudic passage. The Talmud states that 40 days before an embryo is formed, a heavenly voice will exclaim, "the daughter of so and so will marry so and so." Think about that. The rabbis are saying that each of us has that one person we are in fact meant to be with!


Now, that might lead you to think that this whole matchmaking thing is really easy. Not so fast. The Talmud also says that ever since God finished all that heavy lifting involved with creating the world, he devotes most of his time to what? Matchmaking.


So what is going on here? Is marrying one's soul mate a foregone conclusion, or is it something one has to work at?


Jeri and David helped me answer this question. It is really a little bit of both. Anyone who knows Jeri and David, and knows their story, knows that these two belong together. This couple was meant, nay destined, to be together. That said, they also show us that you can't just sit back and wait for fate to take its course. That is not what destiny is all about. Destiny is about making a choice of how and with whom you will share your life and your love. Destiny is about never giving up on your dreams. Destiny is about charting your course towards what is meant to be, and turning it into a reality. Just like Jeri and David did...

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Being Your True Self 2012-05-13

Can there be anything more important than being your true self? Not according to Allison and David. Here are the remarks I shared with them and their guests, that reflect just that:


In an episode of 30 Rock about 15 months back, Jack, played by Alec Baldwin, is preparing his staff for a visit of some executives from their parent company, Kabletown. As they are about to arrive, he has a few last words of encouragement and preparation, "OK, remember everyone, just DON'T be yourselves..."


Now, like all great satire, this idea is funny, because it is a slightly modified portrayal of what is only true. All of us have had a boss at some point, who implicitly, if not explicitly, told us what Jack tells his staff. Beyond that, we all have an internal Jack, who - let's face it - in most situations in life tells us not to be ourselves.


It is therefore refreshing, when Allison writes about her first date with David, "I had never met someone with whom I felt at ease so instantly. It was so easy to just be myself around him." She also says that he is much the same with her, that he, "is such an open book", and that he is "an amazing communicator.


Essentially, what Allison is saying is that with each other, they are able to be their true selves. That, I believe is what true and deep love is all about. It is about not having to put up a facade. It is about being able to let your guard down. It is about allowing your inner most self come out. That is what Allison and David's love is all about.


Allison and David, may you throughout the years and decades together be your true selves with each other, and through that may you both flourish and continue to grow, as individuals and as a couple.

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Butterflies! 2012-05-09

I don’t remember when, but I saw a really cool TED talk by Neil Pasricha, where he spoke about his 1000 awesome things project. Corie and Jeffrey unwittingly sent me back in his direction. Here are my remarks from their wedding:


I am always fascinated with how couples describe their love for each other. In talking with Corie and Jeffrey, they mentioned two things you hardly ever hear in this context in the real world. Corie said that her love for Jeffrey was love at first sight, and Jeffrey said he still gets butterflies in his stomach every time he sees Corie.


Now, did you ever ask yourself why people get butterflies? Leave it to the groom who is an MD to pique my curiosity in this scientific question! So I googled the phrase, and a really cool website was one of the first hits, Neil Pasricha's www.1000awesomethings.com. His awesome thing #259 is what Jeffrey is talking about. First he answers my question, why does this happen:


"Scientists suggest the fluttery feeling of buttery flies in your tum tum just comes from blood flowing away from your digestive system and zooming everywhere else in your body." He says that the reason for that is embedded deep in our genes, and is part of what scientists call the fight or flight reaction. When the body is challenged, it momentarily shuts down the parts not important to it in dealing with the challenge, like the stomach.


He poetically continues, and here is where he really resonates with me. "Because when you get the good kind of stomach butterflies it means you’re burning and buzzing about a big day. After rehearsing for months your play finally comes, after that electric first kiss you’re dreaming about bliss, after practicing all year the big game is here.


Yes, when your mind opens up, when your path starts to clear, when you know where you’re going, when you start to get near… well those are the moments we live for and those are the times to go long, yes those are the moments to go for and those are the times to be strong. Awesome!"


Wow! Awesome, indeed. You see, if we take that and extrapolate from it to Corie and Jeffrey, it tells you how special and unique their relationship is. After all anyone who knows them will tell you that these are not just two love struck kids. In fact, Jeffrey will tell you that he feels like he has known Corie for many years. And Corie will tell you that what cemented her love at first sight for Jeffrey was how great a father he was. In other words, these are serious individuals with a love that runs very deep.


It is specifically when coupled with that depth, that the butterfly feeling is so special. These two (actually three with Griffin) are just so excited about becoming a family. These two keep their love so fresh. These two will tell you how lucky and special they feel not about today, the wedding, but about today and every day after that, the marriage. Now that is truly and utterly awesome. With that, let's get you two awesome people, Corie and Jeffrey, married without further ado!
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It’s All About Teamwork 2012-05-06

Simmi and Will had a really cool wedding day. In the morning they had a Sikh ceremony at the Temple that Simmi’s folks attend. In the evening we had a Jewish ceremony. Here are the personal remarks I shared with these two up and coming doctors to be and their guests:


There is a story about two Jewish grandmothers, Sadie and Goldie, who meet in the park. (The story might work equally as well with regard to Indian parents, as you’ll see in a second.) Anyway, Sadie, happens to have her two small grandchildren in tow. Goldie says to her, “Ohhhh, so who are these handsome young men?” Sadie, immediately answers pointing to each of them in turn, “Oh, well the seven year old, he’s the doctor, and the five year old, he’s the lawyer…”


So, the fact that both of these talented individuals are headed off to career in medicine is hardly surprising. One thing that did surprise me, though, is that Will was an important member of the rowing team at USC. Let’s face it, we Jews are not well known for our sports prowess. Will is the exception amongst Jewish kids in this area. I do believe, though, that functioning as a team has many great lessons for married life, and for a professional life in the medical field.


The wonderful thing about Simmi and Will is that they are truly a team, and they are always trying to improve their team work. They understand that for team Sandhu-Morris to function, it must operate as a true and equal partnership. Even more important, and this is true for every team, it involves sacrifice on the part of all individuals on the team.


Simmi and Will have experienced this self sacrifice first hand. I am writing these remarks shortly after "match day" a simultaneously anticipated and dreaded day in the community of medical students. (Grab a drink and a medical student or doctor during the reception, and they will explain this to you.) When couples like Simmi and Will seek to be matched with medical institutions for residency, that involves much self sacrifice, as they are consciously limiting their options, so they can stay together.


This teamwork and self sacrifice has brought Simmi and Will even closer to each other. With this couple, you can really see that when you do something for your teammate, for your partner, for your lover, you're not really "taking one for the team". In fact, you are making yourself and your team even stronger.


In that spirit, and if you'll excuse the mixing of the metaphors, let's play ball...

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Aval Zeh Shelanu… 2012-05-01

One of the last Sundays I officiated a baby naming for Hillary and Kevin, whose wedding I officiated back in December 2009. This is one inspiring couple. Here are the personal remarks I shared with them and their guests:


Her Hebrew name is Tovah Moriah. She is named Tovah, which means good, for Kevin’s grandmother Thelma, whose Hebrew name began with a T. She is named Moriah, which is the name of the bedrock mountain upon which King Herod built the Temple Mount in Jerusalem for Hillary’s grandfather Robert, whose Hebrew name began with an M. This is the mountain the Torah imagines Abraham himself first offering a sacrifice.


Whenever I am asked to officiate a baby naming, I ask mom and dad to share their hopes for their child with me. Hillary and Kevin shared that they hope Peyton will be a learner, be happy with what she does in life, find things that she be passionate about, find groups she feel part of, find a soul mate, and last but not least live a life infused with Jewish values.


I wanted to touch specifically on the idea of a life infused Jewish values, what that means to the modern liberal Jew, and how that connects to Peyton's name. About 15 years ago, as the rabbi of the Wellington Hebrew Congregation in Wellington, New Zealand, I was privileged to host one of the most eloquent orators of our time, Lord Jonathan Sacks, the Chief Rabbi of the British Commonwealth, and he told a fascinating story. He and his wife were touring Israel a few years prior to that, and they went to Eilat, the southern tip of Israel. One of the popular attractions there is to take a tour in a boat with a glass bottom, so you can see all of the corals and fish unique to that part of the Red Sea. The boat captain asked them where they were from, and upon hearing that they were from Britain, told them at length about all of the places he himself had traveled to in Europe, and how impressed he was with that continent's great beauty. When he finished, he paused, and a wistful look came over his face, he looked down at the beauty beneath them, smiled and said, "aval zeh shelanu", still, THIS is ours...

A modern liberal Jew recognizes that there is great culture, wisdom, wonder, and beauty in the world. So she seeks to live in that world and be part of it in every possible way. Still, she feels a need to infuse her life with Jewish values. She seeks to do this not because we are better than anyone else. No, she could be a good Christian or Muslim, and live a worthy life. She chooses to be a Yehudiyah Tovah, a good Jew, because zeh shelanu, THIS is ours. THIS is our heritage. Through THIS we reach back to the bedrock of our history to Moriah, where it all started in the days of our mythical forefather, Abraham.

Hillary and Kevin, and Tovah Moriah, may the three of you indeed be inspired to live your life in such a fashion, through which this child will make our People proud.

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