Hello
2007-10-27
Hello and Welcome.
OK, so we haven't quite fully embraced the information Superhighway and all that it includes yet. Owning a Blog still seems a bit pretentious to us, but on the other hand, we been around the block a few times and have the scars and the T-Shirts to prove it. (We'll maybe get into that someday after we've gotten to know each other a bit, first.) In any event, in the words of a song from our generation, we've "looked at love from both sides now" and have some information, hopefully some wisdom, to pass along.
If you're wondering about the title of this Blog, "The Banns", the explanation is really pretty simple. In days past, when the local parish church was one of the primary centers of social interaction, couples would approach the Church requesting to get married. Then the Pastor of the local Church would announce / publish "The Banns" of marriage, which was a public announcement of the upcoming marriage. We chose the title because we're a bit old fashioned. We LIKE marriage and we LIKE weddings. Actually we love weddings and we rejoice that couples still have the desire and faith to commit their lives one to another.
The "we" behind this Blog is me, The Rev. Randy Brown and my wife, Deacon Billie Brown. I was ordained in the Old Catholic Church, which allows priests to be married, in 1985. I have ministered for more than 20 years as a pastor, teacher, spiritual director and counselor. Billie was ordained a Deacon in 1995. She has an extensive background in Music, including the composition and performance of Church Music, and along with that has primarily ministered in areas concerning women's issues.
This Blog will probably be somewhat eclectic. Some days we may discuss practical matters such as, "should we have the Ringbearer process with and hold the real wedding rings?" (Never a good idea if the Ringbearer is under 10 or 11, BTW. But we'll get into that another day.) On other days we might be discussing holiday, theme, or destination weddings. We very likely will discuss the need for and advisability of pre-marital counseling and such topics as budgets. We would venture to guess that we'll be discussing how to pick Vendors foir your wedding. We hope that this Blog will become a resource for couples preparing for marriage and perhaps even for a few of those who have already taken the "long walk". <bg>
We can't promise to be perfect. We can't promise that we'll be exactly the right fit for everybody's tastes. We can't even promise to be able to answer every question that might be asked of us. (We really do encourage asking questions.) But we promise that if there's a question that we can't answer, then we'll try and find an answer for it. We promise not to force our views and beliefs on anyone. And we promise that we'll never take life, or ourselves too seriously. We firmly believe that one of the surest ways to maintain sanity in our world today is to maintain a healthy sense of the absurdity of what we know as the world around us.
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As officiants we often hear comments such as, "Everything costs so much!" and "We have a really tight budget." As people who are involved in the day to day business of weddings, we understand. With many Minneapolis - St. Paul weddings costing upwards of $35,000, being horrified at the cost of everything and being on a tight budget is not only understandable, but we applaud those couples who decide to set a strict budget and then stick to it. Unfortunately, the odds are against you. Some time back, the Bridal industry took a cue from the Funeral Industry and realized that they could make more and more money, if they sold prospective couples on more and more stuff that is not integral to either getting married, nor to hosting a wedding banquet.
Several weeks ago I officiated at a wedding where there were personalized "party favors" honoring the bride and groom. Nothing new there, but when I went to take a matchbook, I discovered that the book of matches was actually a book of notepaper that was the size of a book of matches. Since there are ever fewer people smoking, it's easy to understand why you might decide to ditch the personalized matchbooks, but replacing them with pads of note paper set into a matchbbok? Why? Once you get to be my age, the note paper is too small to actually post a note you're ever likely to remember or be able to read, even if you do remember writing it.
Individual, or table, gift bags and boxes for guests at the reception are wonderful. But they can also be expensive and if you're already supplying your guests with a full meal, giving them a habdful of M&M's, or some Hershey Kisses is an unnecessary expense. Besides, think of the time you're investing in putting them together... Disposable cameras at the guest tables are also an unnecessary expense, if you have your photographer at the reception. We were at 35+ weddings May thru September and only at the 2 where there was no photographer at the reception did people actually make use of the disposable cameras. More often than not, one or two shots might be taken with them, and then the rest are wasted, or the cameras are never touched and people simple take them home as additional party favors. Very generous, but not very cost effective.
Compared to $1000 wedding cakes and $7500 photography packages, these may seem like small potatoes, and perhaps they are. Nevertheless, when added together the small expenses, which are often justified precisely because they are individually small expenses, do really add up. And honestly, no one is really going to remember, or care, if you didn't provide a book of matches or note paper.
We recommend that when you begin planning for your wedding, that you establish a heirarchy of expenses. We call it the "Wants, Needs, & Desires" list. It's a means of prioritizing every conceivable purchase or expense that you can think of for your wedding. Needs are the category of most important must have purchases / expenses. These are those things that you absolutely cannot do without, such as a marriage license, an officiant, a site for the wedding and the reception, etc. The second list is the "Wants". "Wants" are what personalize your wedding and you simply cannot imagine getting married without them. "Wants" might include musicians, or a soloist, a band or a DJ at the reception, etc. The "Desires" category is for the least important itmes. This is where you put everything else that you could possible imagine spending money on and while they might be nice, it's no big "whoop" if you don't get them. And the trick that makes this system work? Start with the Needs category & don't even think about the Wants until all the needs are taken care of & you still have money left over. Once the Needs are taken care of you can start with your Wants. Once the Wants are accomplished you can begin to add Desires.
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This is a category especially for the consideration of special weddings, such as Theme Weddings, Destination Weddings, Holiday Weddings, etc.
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